I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We're too hungover to prance.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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