youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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