I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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