I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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