I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
