apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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