around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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