Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
