Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
