His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
