Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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