wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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