too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
