By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
