Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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