I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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