so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
