I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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