I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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