I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My friends, they love my intelligence
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
