the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
