god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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