can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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