If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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