if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
