you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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