whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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