What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
