You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
