pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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