how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
