maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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