but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I supernannyed him into submission
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
