He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
