good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
