i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
