Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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