Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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