8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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