Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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