the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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