God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize