like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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