no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
pray to the hookup gods
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
