Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
