We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
