i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
