If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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