My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're a waste of cheezeits
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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