When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize