Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
