I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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