Dual....:-)
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
