mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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