...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
