I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
