Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
