I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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