your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize