I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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