3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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